Corporate Word Play

Posted on November 14, 2007. Filed under: Marketing | Tags: , advertising, buzz words, Marketing |

We have all heard business presentations that were amply bejeweled with the latest corporate jargon and buzzwords. One has to wonder if anyone – including the speaker, truly understands the dialect. The other day I became increasingly frustrated while reading materials from a website for a business run by an acquaintance. The description of their business took about 3-4 minutes to read, not because it was that long but because it was laced with jargon and corporate buzzwords to the point that I couldn’t figure out what they were saying. We’ve all experienced reading or listening to presentations from people who throw out words and phrases that sound important or, more accurately, words and phrases designed to make the user feel important. In fact and in full disclosure, I may be guilty of occasionally crafting a phrase that might be mistaken for corporate buzz speak. As hard as I try to avoid clichés like the plague, the words just seem to fly onto the paper out of nowhere.

But I don’t post columns to complain. (Well, I don’t post them JUST to complain, I also try to persuade, inform and entertain.) So I am offering up a dictionary of corporate terminology for your reference. And for your entertainment, there are games you can play at home while making up your own power corporate speak. It’s fun for the whole family.

Phrase 1: “The synergy derived will drive our overall strategy.”

Translation: “If we all work together now, our plan might work.”

Phrase 2: “What are the key takeaways from this meeting?”

Translation: “We’ve basically sat around talking for the last hour and we still have no idea what we’ve been talking about. So, in order to explain to our superiors where we’ve been for all this time, let’s use the next 30 seconds to pound out a few bullet points that we can neatly put into an email for distribution.” Phrase 3: “Let’s take this discussion offline” Translation: “None of the people talking right now really knows what we’re saying. So, to save us further embarrassment in front of our peers, let’s publicly state that we are going to discuss this topic at another time while silently agreeing to never speak of it again.” Phrase 4: “Pursuing systematic access to our core audience mandates infrastructure development” Translation: “We need to be organized in order to serve our main customers.” Phrase 5: “We need to leverage our skill-set in order to monetize our throughput.” Translation: Not sure – but I think it means, “We’ll make more money if we just do our jobs”

Phrase 6: “Let’s think outside the box”

Translation: Can you open a window, it’s stuffy in here and I can’t think of anything original to say.

Phrase 7: “We’ve made some decisions for the good of the business in accordance with our strategic plan”

Translation: “We’re about to lay off a lot of people. So hold off on making any big purchases because you’re probably better off holding on to your money right now. But in the meantime, we’ll let you twist in the wind while capitalizing on your fear of being fired by asking you to work an obscene amount of hours.”

Phrase 8: “Value Added”

Translation: “We used to say if you buy our product we’ll give you a good deal and something for free like a toaster or something. Now we say “It’s Value added”

So there you have it. A quick overview and reference guide for the next time you either find yourself in a situation where you know nothing and feel the need to look important or if you find yourself caught in a situation with a peacocking project manager in a moment of self importance.

And now for the play along at home version – Power Lingo Bingo:

Value	Impact	Comprehensive Pursuit	Foster
Team	Sense Of Urgency	Unparalleled	Conviction
Targeted	Convergence	Market Driven	Engage
Paradigm Shifting	Multi-faceted	Quadratic	Content
Passion	Challenge	Pounce	Initiative
Synergy	Infrastructure	Evolved	Deliverables
Added	Empowerment	Power	Vision
Embrace	Discipline	Facilitate	Momentum